13 years ago today was a day I will never forget.
The day when my world nearly came to an end. It was the last
time I would be with him. I stood there in a painful daze as the pastor said
his final words. It was all over.
How could this be happening I wondered? With the pain, so
strong in my heart I turned away trying to be strong, and set down in the car
with the rest of my family. I was to hurt, and mad to cry, so I would not. At
the funeral I did not even cry. I did not want to feel like I was being weak.
I looked over at my brother as I heard him say “mom it is
not fair!!” My mother looked heartbroken, and disappointed. No words she said
could stop my heart from feeling the damage it felt. My brother put his head
down, and cried. At this point I could no longer be strong. I cried as the limo
started to drive away from the cemetery. We both rested our heads on our
mother, and all three of us cried because reality had hit us…it was all over
suddenly, and it was really happening.
The only father I had ever known was GONE forever. No amount
of crying could change that. I felt completely hopeless. In my mind my God had
let me down, and that hurt was almost too much to carry.
As the days went by I had to deal with the fact my daddy
would never call me his LOVE SONG again. It was like a bad dream that I could
not wake up from.
The last night I saw him he said” Corenna I am leaving bye!”
I was a 14 year old watching MTV, so I said “okay bye” trying to get back to
something like the Real World. Well my world got very real after that!
He was gone longer than I knew he should have been, so I
started to worry. I paged him over, and over, but he never returned my call.
Deep down inside I knew something was wrong. I said a prayer because I hoped my
fears would not come true.
An hour later my older brother answered the phone in the
other room, and yelled “Corenna get in here now!!” I knew something was wrong
with my daddy. He held the phone in his hands, and said “dad was in a car accident.”
I replied “what hospital is he at?” He said “there is no hospital!!!” I replied
“well is he okay??” He said “no he is not….he is gone!” Gone where what
hospital is he at I said; my brother stopped and told me our father had died.
I fell to the floor it was like I
could not get air into my lungs. I was so beyond devastated. I knew my world
would never be the same, and it was not.
That was 13 years old today that
we buried my father. I did not realized when he said bye that would be the end
for us here on earth. Our story together was now over. So many bad things
happen after this, but I can say that God is a healer, and that with Him He has
the power to heal our brokenness.
I still miss being someone’s
little girl. I still miss my father telling me how much he loved me, and how
smart I was. Now I look to my Heavenly father to fill the hole I have left in
my heart. I can say that the hole is not as big as it once was, and with God I
was able to experience life after my father’s death again!
~CJK~
